5 Steps to Deal With Fear

Among people's emotions, fear is the one which people has a problem dealing with most. Fear is deep emotion, which cannot be so easily avoided, addressed, or conquered. Instead of anger, being a simple burst of emotional force, which could be ceased after such burst, fear could be quiet cancer, which eats inside of your mind. There is an analysis that fear is the real cause of anger. One would show his anger because he did not like to express his fear. This theory explains why people tends to be angry if others pointed out their true weakness. People are angry when others point their true weakness based on their fear that others would find their weakness. In this sense, fear and anger could be called face and tail of a coin. People need to address their fear to manage their anger.

According to my cousin, who is a psychologist, 87% of fear of people is one, which is groundless, unreasonable, and meaningless. People do not have to deal with this kind of fear. He suggested that one might not attempt to address fears immediately. He recommends to his clients to set one day in a week to deal with their fears. For example, one could decide to consider and address his fear on Thursday, every week. Even he felt fear and started to think about it on Sunday, he would wait until Thursday to address it. My cousin told me that more than 80% of people did not feel fear any longer, or they forgot about it by Thursday. The fear people did not forget or could not stop feeling were the real ones which one need to address. In this way, one can distinguish real fear and meaningless fear.

Based on the above, one could establish the way or process to cope with his fear. They are simple, though they may not be easy.

1. Accept that you have fear instead of hiding it with anger.

2. Stop thinking about the fear on that moment. Take some time to address it.

3. Think if the cause of fear is manageable by human power.

4. If found not manageable by human capacity, accept again it is unmanageable.

5. Since it is beyond human capability, leave it to time and Higher Power. Trust them that they can take care of them.

When one becomes fearful, it is not so easy to follow the above processes with calm and serene status of mind and brain. Remember, at least, one thing. If your fear is unmanageable within human capacity, you can deal with it. If you cannot solve it with your power, it is meaningless and wasting time if you continue to think and worry about it.






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Be Friendly When Offended

A new friend of mine in community volunteer group shared this message in its regular meeting. This gentleman and his family live in a large apartment complex. The apartment management designated the residences their parking spots. They also prohibited their parking in other spots and visitor parking in the complex. He explained that some parking allocated were not favorable, and there is a group of people who park in the places they want. The apartment management did not impose their position to these people. These unreasonable people some times took John's parking spot. They believe his parking spot is theirs. He just ignored them and parked his car whenever it is available. One day, he drove back from his work and found his parking space was available. He parked his car there. It was after 2 weeks since the last time when he could park his car in his own place, unbelievably.

When he returned back to his car the next morning, there were 3 men standing. They all were strong built. They also looked angry and ready for even fight. He frowned from a distance, but he kept smiling and approached his car. Before these people said something, he had greeted to them. "Good morning, gentlemen! My name is John. How are you doing today?" Because my friend greeted them with his name, they needed to greet back to him with their names. My friend John did not ask them what they wanted, but he explained that he had been living in the apartment for almost 5 years. He continued to tell them that the parking spots provided by the apartment management is totally not convenient. They needed to agree with him.

He did not forget to keep smiling during he was communicating with them. He told to the people attended the meeting that he tried not to be offending. John talked with them about how lousy the apartment management had been. He told them he had needed to endure. He did not forget to ask them to agree with him on the issues he raised. Since my friend was talking about the issues these people wanted to tell him, they lost the motivation to talk with him. In addition, John was friendly and smiling all the time, they also lost reason to be offending against him.

Finally, he turned to his wristwatch and told them he needed to go since he was almost late for his work. Nobody could stop him to go. After that day, Everybody respected his parking spot and nobody took his space any more.

What he did was same as what martial art masters would do. They say they can win without fighting. He won the fight without fighting. The people who wanted to fight could not win his amicable manner. Furthermore, he could accomplish his intention to secure his own parking space. The lesson is: "Do not be offended. Be friendly to your offenders." Does it make sense?





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3 Remarkable Messages From Ancient Chinese Strategist

First, let us take a look at the messages:

1. Fighting against other countries is an important decision making for live or die of a nation, people, and the government. The fighting should be the final option for governing people. They should not use military power so easily to others.

2. Those, who win, will win easy win. Those, who analyze themselves, their enemy, and the surrounding situation have a better chance of winning.

3. Those, who won 100 fights and never lost, are not the best of bests. The best of bests are those who win without fighting.

These are words of wisdom, which appear in the first strategy book, in human history. The name of this book is "Sun-Zu". The book was written and published 2500 years ago, if not older. Historians say that ancient generals, "Sun-Mu" is the author of this strategy book. Truth is unknown. We, living in the modern world, can read his book thanks to an ancient king "Cao-Cao", who re-edited this book in 200BC, still 2250 years ago.

Before "Sun-Zu", win and lose a war was the subject of destiny. People regarded it as a result of God's will. It was why old time generals and kings prayed for God before going to wars. Future tellers accompanied in the war because of this reason. There was no strategic know-how textbook, telling kings and generals how to win a battle before "Sun-Zu".

"Sun-Zu", being a war strategy book, teach people how to win a war. Generals or kings in even 17th - 18th century used this book as their textbook in fighting. Some historians believe that Napoleon Bonaparte was also the one loved and used this book.

This book is not just war textbook as one can see on the above messages. It is remarkable to point out that going into the war is a monumental decision for a king or governing people. Hence they should never easily choose to exercise their power. It is fascinating to learn this message was on the top of his list.

Business people in the world today loves 2nd message. The one who analyze yourself, study your opponent, and know on the competition will win any game. "Sun-Zu" is the favorite topic of Japanese business books and magazines as a good reference to play a game called marketing.

3rd point has continued to attract people for 2500 years in human history. It is noteworthy that this strategist taught people that winning without fighting was more valuable than winning 100 wars.

There is no wonder this book keeps attention of people for a long time. The world leaders today should revisit these ancient wisdom before they decide to send young people to battlefield.






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What Is "Easy Win?"

It has become a while since I started to try writing Japanese or Chinese history, philosophy, and religion in English. It has been always a big challenge to select the best expression and words in English to describe cross-cultural issues. There was a movie called "Lost in Translation". It is a fiction and film, all right. Realty is more interesting than stories or movies. It would be not just "Lost in Translation", but also "Not Exactly in Translation", "Meaning Changed in Translation", or even "Caused Misunderstanding in Translation".

Taking a look at this words of wisdom, "Those, Who Win, Win Easy Win", by Sun-Zu, ancient strategist, it is not easy to reveal the full meaning of the message. This message, however, drives me to try because the meaning is so profound that one should understand no matter what ethnic group he belongs.

For those who are not familiar with this strategist, "Sun-Zu", he was a strategist who wrote first strategy book in the history of mankind, 2500 years ago. His wisdom includes "War is the final and last method for settling the dispute." "If no more good strategy, do not die there, run away." Now let us examine these words of wisdom: Those, who win, win easy win.

According to Sun-Zu, to win or lose does not depend on luck, fate, or act of God. Those, who won, had reasons for winning. Those, who lost, had lost for reasons. He continued that those, who analyze themselves, their enemy, and the surrounding situation have a better chance of winning. They know themselves. They understand their enemy from A to Z. They are destined to win. Sun-Zu called this as easy win. After 2500 years has passed, his real meaning behind to define this as easy win is no longer clear. Historians later days interpreted that winning was easy because they prepared to fight and studied the detail how to win.

Sun-Zu is a popular figure appearing in business magazines, in Japan. This message might appear in Japanese business magazines more than 100 times a year. This idea is highly effective philosophy for Japanese business people. They can utilize this wisdom to fight fierce competition in the marketplace. Business persons must know what are their products (services) strength and weaknesses. They also need to know strength and weaknesses of their company. They must analyze and understand their competitions. What are their strength and weaknesses? They must understand the situation in the marketplace. How many competitions in the marketplace? What products they have? What is the demand of the product? What is the future of the product?

These are questions a businessperson can ask to himself. If one can answer all the questions, he could win. If not, the one should investigate and analyze more. Here is a question a businessperson can ask. He can ask if his business style depends on luck and God's will. He can check if he learned, studied, and analyzed so deeply that he can believe his victory. If ones business style depends on their fate, they are destined to lose.



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Reasons to Attract or Distract People

Everyone has an experience that he did not feel like attending a meeting with his business friends. Everyone must have some business friends, associates, or colleagues, who he does not want to work together. One may have business problems with them. In addition, however, he does not like to work with them and he does not why. They are friendly and open-minded mostly. He has not been able to figure out as he feels for a long time.

The longer one talks with them or attends a meeting with them, he feels more depressed. He may want to run away from them. Now he can check the way the people who he does not want. Do not they use negative words? Even in discussion with themes such as "Positive Mindset", "How to develop Skills", and "How to Attract Customers", they use negative words. An example of their statement may be their skills are "insufficient". Another may be; "we are nobody". They might have used words "Failure", "Mistake", and "Trauma" more than 30 times each in 2 hour meeting.

Everybody needs to be aware of the power of words positive or negative. Yes, both positive and negative words have powers. They can seriously affect the people. They could have said, "Improve skills" instead of "Lacking skill"? "Failure" could be "Experience"? "Trauma" could be "Challenge"? Then the whole atmosphere and people's attitude could be changed.

Words can affect other people who one is talking together. One would rather be with positive people than negative people in business or personal. That was why one did not feel good being with them or work with them.

One can check his own attitude or usage of his words. Does he tend to use negative words instead of positive ones? It takes effort and time, but one can train him to select and use positive words in his statement or conversation. If he tries to select positive words and avoid negative words, his speed of speaking will slow down. It will make him understood in his statements.

There are some business checkpoints, which contain the above positive thinking.

- Be Helpful, Thankful, and Committed

- Check every day, if:

* you have something helpful to provide?

* you have value to give?

* you are highly motivated?

* you are carefully prepared?

* you are relaxed and comfortable?

One can observe the above checkpoints to see if his choice of words is positive, not negative.





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What Is Your Interpretation of the Proverb, A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss?

This is a controversial proverb. Generally it means that the people who change their occupations often do not obtain a particular professional skill. The other interpretation is that people who pursue new challenges never get old and dull, but stay young and fresh. We have never known a proverb that has such different interpretations. The Japanese version of this proverb, in its negative form, is same as the English version. Most likely, the Japanese version was translated from the original English. The version with a positive meaning in Japanese is, "When the stream of a river is fast, the water does not go bad."

Hanako was a dreamer. She had many dreams. She wanted to be a window decorator. She hoped to have a job in a Web creation business. Sometimes she thought simply marrying a person whom she loved would not be a bad idea. She graduated from college and started working as a secretary for an executive in an electronics company. She liked her job, but she could not give up her dream of having a creative job. To this end, she attended design school after work.

Hanako had a friend named Minori. She did not consider herself clever. After finishing her study of English literature, Minori continued to study English, and became an English-Japanese translator. Her translation speed was not fast, but she worked with attention to detail and made few mistakes. She did not take more work than she could handle, but for the jobs she did take, her translations were detailed and thorough. She gradually became popular. She began getting offers for jobs in the academic translation field.

As a one of the leading professionals of the age, Minori was interviewed by a TV program. Hanako watched Minori receive VIP treatment in the program and envied her. Hanako had been unable to get a creative job. She had changed her job several times. She found herself lacking professionalism in many things. Well, she thought, if nothing works, I will find a partner and marry him.

Minori did not look very pretty on TV. She was wearing a dark-colored suit like a man would wear. Her suit was dark gray and did not match her shirt. Her hair was not well styled; it was just tied back on her head. Hanako thought herself more attractive than Minori.

Which woman do you find more attractive? The bottom line is that everybody is different and everybody is attractive, as long as they live their lives to the full extent.





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The Journey to the West

Buddhism is the most widely worshiped religion in Asia. The history of Buddhism brings us back to Northern India, 2500 years ago. Siddhartha Gautama was the founder of this religion. Siddhartha Gautama was the crown prince of a nation in Northern India. When he was young, he went out of his palace and observed people's pains for i) Birth, ii) Aged, iii) Sick, and iv) Death. He escaped from his palace and trained himself to save people from their pains. He became an awaken one, Buddha. Buddhism quickly gained ground in India but could not be major there. Some analyze that Kings and Politicians in old India did not welcome Buddhism belief, Equality of People under Buddha, for their governing purpose. Buddha, however, stayed in Indian religious scene to be one of many gods in Hinduism.

How did Buddhism become most widely worshiped religion in Asia? China played an important role for Buddhism to grow in Asian countries. How did Buddhism become major in China? It was 7th Century when a Chinese monk, Xuanzang Fashi traveled to India breaking the law. He studied Buddhism in several key places, in Indian Buddhism. He brought Buddhist Scriptures to China. Xuanzan's monks worked to translate these Scriptures to Chinese. Xuanzan Fashi was the largest reason for Buddhism to be found well in China and Asian countries.

Later, in China, Xuangzan's journey to India became a fictional story. In this story, 3 monsters follow Xuangzan as trainees of Buddhism. They are i) Stone Monkey, Sun Wukong, ii) Big Monster, Zhu Beijie, and iii) Soldier Ghost, Sha Wujing. The title of this story is "Journey to the West (Xi You Ji). The story became popular worldwide. It became cartoon stories several times in China and Japan. Media made it be Movies and TV Programs so many times.

All 3 followers of Xuanzan Fashi had their own stories. They were stories of pain, agony, fear, remorse, and resentment. They are identical pains as human beings. The 3 followers were the ones who could not endure these pains and became monsters. Stone Monkey, Sun Wukong was born from stone. He was smart and powerful but violent. His supervisor put him under a mountain for 5 thousand years until Xuanzang found and released him. Zhu Beijie and Sha Sujing were generals in heaven. Their supervisors and colleagues exiled them to earth for punishment. They were waiting to meet Xuanzong for thousands of years.

They fought against all odds, for the sake of Xuanzang. Sun Wukong with his 2 other colleagues saved and helped Xuanzang all of their way to India. Their journey was even more painful to all than their former lives, which caused them to be monsters. In their trip to India, the 3 followers had gradually realized Buddhism philosophy of love. They grew as trainees of Buddha. At the end of their trip, Buddha gave them the status of Buddhism gods. Sinful people can repent and release themselves from their bondage of sin. They can even become god even people today worship.





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Making Mistakes Is Better Than Doing Nothing

This seminar was on mental development for entrepreneurs. It taught that being a self-employed requires different mentality from an employee. The most of the contents were general on business as a self-employed. The contents included pioneer spirit, think outside of the box, self-branding, and so on.

There was, however, notable points, which were eye-opening. The cost for the seminar was about $1,000. It was worth investing this much, however. That point motivated me to share with readers of this article. The message could be described in the following 3 points:

1. Do not be afraid of going ahead of trying something new.

2. Do not be afraid of making mistakes.

3. Remember making mistakes is better than not doing anything.

The first point is clear and simple. Everybody has an experience to do something, for the first time. He will be uncomfortable, annoyed, puzzled, and afraid. He cannot, however, procrastinate, since soon or later he needs to decide if he does it or not. Once one decides to do, he should not be afraid of trying. He should go ahead and start doing.

The second point touches upon reason why one hesitates to start something. He hesitates because he does not want to make a mistake. He needs to break down the wall he has in his mind. The wall is his fear of making a mistake. This is what the seminar taught. Let us consider the employment situation, first. If one is an employee, avoiding to make a mistake may not be bad. In this sense, there is a choice for an employee to do nothing new, simply in order not to make a mistake. If he is a self-employed, it does not make sense decide not to do anything new due to the possibility of making a mistake.

It was a decision one made to be a self-employed. He could not be afraid of the decision he made. Being a self-employed is like being a cowboy in the Wild West. He needs to be determined to continue trying something new. He will be fearful for failing. He will be reluctant. He will be afraid of making mistakes. He will feel miserable when he makes mistakes. He will regret to take some actions. He will feel like crying some times. He will feel constant pressure. This sounds terrible. The reward, however, is huge, when one breaks his mental wall and go ahead and succeed.

The last point shows the motivation for trying something new. If he succeeded in doing something new, it was great. Even if he did not succeed, and he made a mistake, it would be still okay. He learned that it did not work from the mistake, at least. People say Thomas Edison made more than 20,000 mistakes. When interviewers asked him about it, he stated he proved other 20,000 ways did not work. A self-employed must have Thomas Edison's mentality. One can be proud of making mistakes. If he did not do anything, nothing happened. We need to remember that making mistakes in the course of actions is better than doing nothing.




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You Will Not Get It Until You Try

Japan is unique in its history in many ways. One of the unique facts about Japanese history is its civil revolution and its modernization. Japan is a unique country that achieved modernization without civil war. It was 1895, when American Battle Ships, headed by Commodore Matthew C. Perry, appeared in Edo Bay, asking free trade with Shogun government that time. In later 19th century, American and European super powers were present in Japan. Another miracle in Japanese history is the fact that she did not become a colony of these super powers at that time.

There were reasons why Japan did not have a blood shed civil war for her modernization, and why Japan did not become a colony of superpowers. There are always people behind the historical events. There were groups of people who envisioned peaceful government change without civil war, believed that they could achieve the peaceful revolution, and realized it.

The center figure of this group was "Ryoma Sakamoto". Ryoma belonged to lower class of Samurai hierarchy in Tosa-Han, the feudal domain of Tosa, now Kochi Prefecture of Shikoku Island. His class of people needed to obey upper class Samurai. They were half farmers or merchants classified as lowest in Samurai structure. Ryoma and his class people could not be a part of local government in Tosa-Han. He would never be able to talk directly with local lord. He did not like the system and hierarchy. Ryoma escaped from Tosa-Han. He was 26 years old.

Cho-Shu-Han, feudal domain of Cho-Shu, now Yamaguchi Prefecture, was a military power, in west Japan. They were trying to overthrow Shogun government. Unfortunately, they were not strong enough to win Shogun. They had lost a war against Shogun. Satsuma-Han, feudal domain of Satsuma, now Kagoshima Prefecture, was another power. They were, however, in side of Shogun and fought against Cho-Shu-Han. They regarded each other to be the worst enemy. Ryoma decided that Cho-Shu and Satsuma need to form an ally to defeat Shogun Government. Nobody believed Cho-Shu and Satsuma would shake hands with each other. Even his own friends and colleagues were telling Ryoma that it is impossible. Ryoma proposed that Cho-Shu used Satsuma-Han to get approval from Shogun Government in buying necessary weapons from Europe. His idea interested both of them. They met in 1866 formed an alliance foundation to fight against Shogun government.

Later, Ryoma moved Local Lord of Tosa-Han, his own country. Tosa-Han joined the ally of Cho-Shu and Satsuma. 3 powerful feudal domains alliance made the non-blood revolution possible. This non-blood revolution did not give a moment and reason for superpowers to made her their colony. Ryoma Sakamoto was thinking "Outside of Box", out of common sense and knowledge. The society and custom of feudalism did not bind him think differently, going ahead, try, and achieve his dream.

There are 3 points to learn from Ryoma:

1. Think and decide if you want to get it.

2. If you do, do not think how difficult to do it. Think how to do it.

3. Do not listen to negative opinions. Go ahead and try.

One will not get it, unless he tries it.




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How to Overcome Intrusive Negative Thoughts

Since the move to Hayward, May 2009, my wife and I are enjoying gardening in new home. There is a Blackberry Tree, which our neighbor gave to us as a celebration for moving into Hayward. My wife planted it and, enjoyed to watch it growing. End of August, it gave us some blackberries. This blackberry tree had some problems. It was planted wall side to the next-door neighbor. The tree grew its branch across the wall and grew into our neighbor's back yard. My wife tried to pull it back, but when we found it, it had grown to thick that she could not pull it back. One day, we found the neighbor dog bitten it out. The good news was we could pull the branch back. But, the bitten branch seemed not be able to grow any more.

One morning, we found a new bud was growing just right above the bitten part and started to grow the branch from the new bud. It was growing all right for 1-2 months. My wife found some bugs on a branch top. She tried to kill the bugs and used a pesticide. Next morning, we found the 2-3 inches of the branch head was dark and looked dead. We needed to cut a portion of 2 branches, which were damaged by the pesticide. Though my wife worried about the survival of the tree, I was relaxed and believed it will survive.

2-3 days later, we found a bud close to the cut by the pesticide damage. The tree recovered from the damages. It is growing again. The blackberry tree gave us a message of life. My wife and I touched and felt the power of this tree given from Mother Nature. There were damages, but it keeps growing, as if it is a matter of course.

We should learn from this blackberry tree for living our lives, I thought. We all have happy times, bad times, pleasant times, sad times, and hard times. We may feel hurt, damaged, blue, confused, and beaten from time to time. But there is no time for stopping. If we stop there because of the hardship, it will be difficult to start moving again. We should go over the difficulties and continue to grow and walk. Let's continue to move ahead like this blackberry keeps growing. We should not allow our damages to take over us. We should overcome all these hardships. We will reach our goals if we do not stop going ahead. Do not forget that Mother Nature will take care of us as she takes care of the blackberry tree.




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