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Sunday, May 26, 2013

How Do You Handle Life's Unexpected Actuality

"Knowing the Path is Different from Walking the Path." This is from my favorite movie "the Matrix". Oracle gave Neo these words when he visited her for the first time. I believe this is unquestionably true. You can Google Map the road and print and remember it so that you do not get lost. Google Map is so powerful that it can give you traffic conditions or updated situation of the route. Still, one minute before you get to a certain point, there may be an accident and need to detour. Have not you had an event that you thought you knew the way, but what happened was quite different from what you expected, and you still got lost.

Around Christmas of the Year 2000, when my employer told me that they were sending me back to Japan, I had prepared to change my visa status from E-2 (Investor Status) to H visa. My lawyer was confident that it could be changed and could be changed in relatively short time. I waited, waited, waited, and received rejection notice. My former employer's Human Resource tried to fix me to be re-hired by one of the group companies in, but they could not get me a position. Economy was starting to experience so called "dot com company recession". Nobody hired me without proper authorization of working in the US.

My wife, girl friend at that time, offered me to marry so that she can sponsor me for Green Card. She hoped that I continued to stay with her so that we could be together instead of 3 months in US and another month in Japan. If you continue to do this for a long time, so many times, US Immigration starts to notice you and give you a warning. Several times in re-entry, the officer of immigration sent me to separate office and could not re-enter to US for 2-3 hours.

So we married. We hired a lawyer and applied for my Green Card. It took us almost another whole year to get to the point of interview. We were so happy and ready to go to interview. We went to USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Service) and took interview. We thought it should have been no problem. Our marriage is real. We did not see any flaw. Still they sent my case to a higher level for re-examination. We needed to wait to take next interview.

We took another interview 8 months later. Here, the point is that if you apply for Green Card, you need to obtain temporary work permit and emigration (traveling out from US) and re-entry permit for working and even traveling to outside US. Since they expire in every 12 months and needed to re-apply for them, it was troublesome process. USCIS was not friendly. Even my lawyer advised me not to be angry no matter what they say or do. One day, in USCIS office, waiting for my turn, I found curved cursing words on a seat of a chair. I would not have done that, but I could easily imagine the feeling.

The 2nd Interview was not so terrible as 1st one. Interviewer was helpful and cooperative. Since it took me so long time, I could get Green Card valid for 10 years immediately. Usually, they issue 3 year valid Green Card. Applicants need to re-apply for next 10 years, after 3 years.

The lesson was, "We need to be prepared, study all the possibility, and make sure that we are comfortable and confident. Still, we need to be flexible enough to cope with unexpected happenings." So the words, I came across in a movie, undoubtedly helped. It was "Knowing the Path is Different from Walking the Path."

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http://EzineArticles.com/4409924

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Sunday, May 19, 2013

5 Steps to Deal With Fear

Among people's emotions, fear is the one which people has a problem dealing with most. Fear is deep emotion, which cannot be so easily avoided, addressed, or conquered. Instead of anger, being a simple burst of emotional force, which could be ceased after such burst, fear could be quiet cancer, which eats inside of your mind. There is an analysis that fear is the real cause of anger. One would show his anger because he did not like to express his fear. This theory explains why people tends to be angry if others pointed out their true weakness. People are angry when others point their true weakness based on their fear that others would find their weakness. In this sense, fear and anger could be called face and tail of a coin. People need to address their fear to manage their anger.

According to my cousin, who is a psychologist, 87% of fear of people is one, which is groundless, unreasonable, and meaningless. People do not have to deal with this kind of fear. He suggested that one might not attempt to address fears immediately. He recommends to his clients to set one day in a week to deal with their fears. For example, one could decide to consider and address his fear on Thursday, every week. Even he felt fear and started to think about it on Sunday, he would wait until Thursday to address it. My cousin told me that more than 80% of people did not feel fear any longer, or they forgot about it by Thursday. The fear people did not forget or could not stop feeling were the real ones which one need to address. In this way, one can distinguish real fear and meaningless fear.

Based on the above, one could establish the way or process to cope with his fear. They are simple, though they may not be easy.

1. Accept that you have fear instead of hiding it with anger.

2. Stop thinking about the fear on that moment. Take some time to address it.

3. Think if the cause of fear is manageable by human power.

4. If found not manageable by human capacity, accept again it is unmanageable.

5. Since it is beyond human capability, leave it to time and Higher Power. Trust them that they can take care of them.

When one becomes fearful, it is not so easy to follow the above processes with calm and serene status of mind and brain. Remember, at least, one thing. If your fear is unmanageable within human capacity, you can deal with it. If you cannot solve it with your power, it is meaningless and wasting time if you continue to think and worry about it.

Read this Article in EzineArticles.com:

http://EzineArticles.com/5094800

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Shaw Funami

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Sunday, May 12, 2013

Be Friendly When Offended

A new friend of mine in community volunteer group shared this message in its regular meeting. This gentleman and his family live in a large apartment complex. The apartment management designated the residences their parking spots. They also prohibited their parking in other spots and visitor parking in the complex. He explained that some parking allocated were not favorable, and there is a group of people who park in the places they want. The apartment management did not impose their position to these people. These unreasonable people some times took John's parking spot. They believe his parking spot is theirs. He just ignored them and parked his car whenever it is available. One day, he drove back from his work and found his parking space was available. He parked his car there. It was after 2 weeks since the last time when he could park his car in his own place, unbelievably.

When he returned back to his car the next morning, there were 3 men standing. They all were strong built. They also looked angry and ready for even fight. He frowned from a distance, but he kept smiling and approached his car. Before these people said something, he had greeted to them. "Good morning, gentlemen! My name is John. How are you doing today?" Because my friend greeted them with his name, they needed to greet back to him with their names. My friend John did not ask them what they wanted, but he explained that he had been living in the apartment for almost 5 years. He continued to tell them that the parking spots provided by the apartment management is totally not convenient. They needed to agree with him.

He did not forget to keep smiling during he was communicating with them. He told to the people attended the meeting that he tried not to be offending. John talked with them about how lousy the apartment management had been. He told them he had needed to endure. He did not forget to ask them to agree with him on the issues he raised. Since my friend was talking about the issues these people wanted to tell him, they lost the motivation to talk with him. In addition, John was friendly and smiling all the time, they also lost reason to be offending against him.

Finally, he turned to his wristwatch and told them he needed to go since he was almost late for his work. Nobody could stop him to go. After that day, Everybody respected his parking spot and nobody took his space any more.

What he did was same as what martial art masters would do. They say they can win without fighting. He won the fight without fighting. The people who wanted to fight could not win his amicable manner. Furthermore, he could accomplish his intention to secure his own parking space. The lesson is: "Do not be offended. Be friendly to your offenders." Does it make sense?

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http://EzineArticles.com/5109231

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Shaw Funami

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Sunday, May 5, 2013

3 Remarkable Messages From Ancient Chinese Strategist

First, let us take a look at the messages:

1. Fighting against other countries is an important decision making for live or die of a nation, people, and the government. The fighting should be the final option for governing people. They should not use military power so easily to others.

2. Those, who win, will win easy win. Those, who analyze themselves, their enemy, and the surrounding situation have a better chance of winning.

3. Those, who won 100 fights and never lost, are not the best of bests. The best of bests are those who win without fighting.

These are words of wisdom, which appear in the first strategy book, in human history. The name of this book is "Sun-Zu". The book was written and published 2500 years ago, if not older. Historians say that ancient generals, "Sun-Mu" is the author of this strategy book. Truth is unknown. We, living in the modern world, can read his book thanks to an ancient king "Cao-Cao", who re-edited this book in 200BC, still 2250 years ago.

Before "Sun-Zu", win and lose a war was the subject of destiny. People regarded it as a result of God's will. It was why old time generals and kings prayed for God before going to wars. Future tellers accompanied in the war because of this reason. There was no strategic know-how textbook, telling kings and generals how to win a battle before "Sun-Zu".

"Sun-Zu", being a war strategy book, teach people how to win a war. Generals or kings in even 17th - 18th century used this book as their textbook in fighting. Some historians believe that Napoleon Bonaparte was also the one loved and used this book.

This book is not just war textbook as one can see on the above messages. It is remarkable to point out that going into the war is a monumental decision for a king or governing people. Hence they should never easily choose to exercise their power. It is fascinating to learn this message was on the top of his list.

Business people in the world today loves 2nd message. The one who analyze yourself, study your opponent, and know on the competition will win any game. "Sun-Zu" is the favorite topic of Japanese business books and magazines as a good reference to play a game called marketing.

3rd point has continued to attract people for 2500 years in human history. It is noteworthy that this strategist taught people that winning without fighting was more valuable than winning 100 wars.

There is no wonder this book keeps attention of people for a long time. The world leaders today should revisit these ancient wisdom before they decide to send young people to battlefield.

Read this Article in EzineArticles.com:
http://EzineArticles.com/5155025

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Shaw Funami

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