Emotional IQ - More about Anger

Let's talk a little bit more about our anger.  I remember so many occasions I could not make right decision due to my anger.  It may be true for you, too.  The most recent occasion I remember is my immigration process with INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service of the USA) when I applied for Green Card.  I think I was put in a wait for relatively long time without any given reasons for the interviews.  Finally the interview was scheduled.  My lawyer told me that I should not be angry no matter what the officer of INS said to me.  I was laughing and told him not to worry.  There should not be anything which made me angry, I thought.

The interview went quite well.  The officer was quite courteous and there was not a single moment of rudeness.  The officer asked me to go back to the first floor and submit my picture for processing.  I thanked him for the interview, he thanked me for my time.  My wife and I went down to the window for the picture submission.  The person in the window was not as courteous as the interview officer.

The lady at the window pointed out we did not pay for the processing and the picture is different from the one INS designates.  Our emotion almost always catches us in surprise.  Maybe I was too much relaxed due to the fact that the interview finished.  I was so angry this lady is complaining about me that I almost yelled at her.  It was quite fortunate that my wife detected my anger and pulled me back.  I could curtail my anger and went out to take another picture in the photo shop nearby.

Later I thought back about what happened.  It might be true that the lady's way of talking was not so friendly.  But there should have been no reason to be angry.  She was saying based on INS regulation and all I should have done is to take picture and give it to her.  The most important that time was to submit my picture on that day, not to be friendly with the lady in the window.  This way, the anger hits us more on non-substantial points.  If I were angry and had an argument with the person in charge, I would not be able to submit the picture on that day and my immigration process would have further delayed.  This way, the anger does not do any good for you.

Related Posts:
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/emotional-iq-what-is-it-why-am-i.html
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/emotional-iq-why-do-you-need-to-manage.html

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Emotional IQ - Why do you need to manage your emotion?

Don't you have an experience to talk to yourself that oh, I should not have said that, or I should not have done that, after you told something bad or showed bad behavior to the people who you were talking to.  Obviously there are moments when our emotion takes over our rationale and directly control our statement or behavior. 

Most typical emotion easily takes over your attitude is an "anger".  People do get angry.  I do.  Anger will take over your all logical thinking, change your face, change your tone of voice, and change your behavior.  Can you think of anything which anger can benefit you?  Even if you get some short time advantage because you showed your anger, negative reaction long term you are suffering may be far bigger than that.

In addition, anger gives you unnecessary waste of your energy.  Sometimes, you get headache, sour throat from yelling, instability of emotion which you need to spend some time to recover from.  Anger deprive you of your peace of mind.

1. Anger can damage your social reputation
2. Anger can damage your relationship with you family, friends, colleagues.
3. Anger can deprive you of power to make right decision.
4. Anger can make your emotion unstable.
5. Anger can damage your business.

6. Anger can harm your business success.
7. Anger can deprive you of peace of your mind.

The most important point is #7 above.  Even if you could get what you wanted by showing anger, later on you may not feel peaceful about what the person you were angry at thinks.  Or you may even think that person may think about retaliating you for your anger.  It may take you for more than a day or so to regain peace of mind or give up thinking.  We all know that anger does not solve any problem.

It is important to manager your anger and keep peace of your mind.

Related Posts:
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/emotional-iq-what-is-it-why-am-i.html

Check my websites to find out what I am doing:
http://vur.me/shawfunami/main
http://vur.me/shawfunami/SF
http://vur.me/shawfunami/zi

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Emotional IQ - What is it? Why am I interested in it?

I am now self-employed running my family company  formed by myself.  Earlier in my carrier stage, I worked for a Japanese electronics company for 20 years.  Becoming an assistant manager in 1988, I started to study how to be a good manager.  It included emotional control for better performance and better management.

Later, I developed own scheme to control myself and teach our team member.  I used to say:

"Don't show it when you are angry.  Use your anger to get what you need to achieve in business.  Control your emotions so that they do not harm your business or life.  Use them to benefit yourself instead."

I was pretty much confident and comfortable that I could control my emotions to the extent that my emotion did not damage any of my business or relationship.

It was end of the year 2000 when I faced a decision if I should quit the company and do my own or stay.  I made a decision to quit and tried to start my own business.  It was my own decision and I believed that I am emotionally stable.

Then, in my effort of starting up my own company, which was supposed to be full of fun, I found myself out of control of my own emotions.  I was constantly resentful, remorseful, upset, confused, and depressed.  I could not control my own emotions in very sensitive and critical moment.  The worst is that all these negative emotions hit me same time and I did not know what to do.  I never went to a hospital, but I might have called it a panic attack.  I was lucky having my wife's help and gradually regained my emotional stability.  From this experience, I learned a precious lesson how difficult to control our emotions.

It was near end of last year when my wife and I were looking for information on Dog's IQ on Internet, we happened to find the word "Emotional IQ".  I was interested and did further research on the definition.

According to my research, Emotional IQ and Emotional Intelligence are almost  same meaning and definition.  Emotional IQ is the ability, capacity, skill or, a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.

I have been aware there are several therapy which is not known in outside of US, such as emotional control or anger management.  But, I was not aware that there is a study trying to measure one's ability of controlling emotions until last year.

If you acquire an ability to perceive and control your emotion and others, you can have better control over your life, business.  Most importantly, if you are confident and comfortable controlling your own emotion under no matter what kind of panicky situation, you can be more relaxed all the time.  You can be very much peaceful in your mind in your life.  That's why I believe learning and knowing on Emotional IQ is very important for all of us.




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Eat road side weed -Trip to Carmel, Dog Friendly Town -3-

There is an expression in Japanese that "Michi-Kusa wo Kuu".  Word by word translation of this expression is "Eat road side weed".  Most often used as "Michi-Kusa wo Kuuna".  Again, literal translation is "Don't eat road side weed".

The meaning of this expression is "Don't loiter (coming home)", or "Don't stop off anywhere (unnecessary (like a bar)) to delay coming home."  This is one of the expressions that you will never figure out without native people telling you the meaning.

I really did not know where the expression came from.  But, I found out after we started to keep Xue Er.  Walking her out, she stops every block to smell something, pick up some tissue papers, licking road muds, and eating road side weeds.  Then, I hit my head with my finger "Oh, this is what the expression came from!"

This time, Xue Er had a problem in "Eating Beach-side Seaweed".  In the 2nd day in Carmel beach, when she was playing, running around, she found some seaweed in the beach.  She smelled, licked, and bit as usual, and when we found her doing that, she ate some part of the seaweed.  She showed a little bit wired face, but there was nothing until that night.

That night, Xue Er had a bad diarrhea and caused my wife and I stayed up almost all night to take her out every 30 minutes or so.  Her diarrhea did not stop until next morning.  Actually it took her 3 days until her digestion recovered to be normal.

Ancient Japanese people were great telling people what happens if you "Eat Roadside weed" and delay coming back home.  Don't go to the bar causing your family worry about you and what time you will be home.  It is not good for your health, too.  It does not worth trying.  This was very good lesson for our White Cutie and ourselves.

Related Posts:
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/trip-to-carmel-dog-friendly-town.html
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/trip-to-carmel-dog-friendly-town-2.html

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http://vur.me/shawfunami/main
http://vur.me/shawfunami/SF
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Trip to Carmel, Dog Friendly Town -2

Shortly after we started to keep Xue Er, Snowy, my wife and I started to realize that even American society is not really friendly to pets or animals.  There are people elsewhere to chase out cats trying to take a nap in their back yard.  In West Bay of San Francisco, you cannot take dogs into parks, especially where there are kids amusement equipment.

Most of hotels do not allow to bring pets in to stay, it goes without saying that majority restaurants even with Patio Dining area do not like people to keep dogs close to their eating area.  Food shops do not allow people to take pets in.  Even no-food related shops do not like customers to bring pets.  My wife and I one time took Xue Er to Home Depot.  We knew that they did not mind customers to bring dogs in.  Surprisingly, not staff, but one of the customers lining in the cashier complained about we bringing in our dog.  Instead cashier of the Home Depot was very friendly and kind to our white one.

I believe this is not society acceptance issue.  Instead this is people's presumption problem.  People who has no experience with pets always have presumption that pets are dirty, smelly, dangerous because they bite... etc, etc...

What is great about America is the fact that whereas there are people who oppose to you, you can always find people who are in your side.  That is the spiritual base for building and forming "Dog Friendly Town" or "Dog Friendly Environment".  And the Carmel by the sea beach is the one which is in top 5 dog friendly places.

Take CA-1 South from San Francisco for about two and half hours, exit at "Ocean Avenue" in Carmel, you drive down to the beach along Ocean Avenue.  As I mentioned in my previous post, it looks like dogs heaven.  Most of them are unleashed and running around.  Before we checked in our hotel, we spent 2 hours playing with our White Cutie.

All those stylish small shops of fashions, clothes, arts, decorations, etc... have already obtained my wife's attention, we decided to check in our hotel next and drive back to the center of the town.

Related Posts:
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/trip-to-carmel-dog-friendly-town.html

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http://vur.me/shawfunami/main
http://vur.me/shawfunami/SF
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Shaw Funami
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Trip to Carmel, Dog Friendly Town

Once again, Happy New Year, my friends!!!  I do hope the year 2010 will be happy and prosperous for you and your family.

Every year the short days right after Christmas and New Year, my family take drive trip to nearby California or vicinity resorts.  My wife and I took my wife's mother to Las Vegas and Los Angeles in 2008.  In 2007, we were in Tokyo and Beijing, etc...  It is partly due to my family being away from home countries not having nearby or reachable family member to visit, feel a little bit lonesome in comparison to those who are born here in the US.

This year, we decided to take our White Snowy Dog, Xue Er to the #1 dog friendly city, Monterey, Carmel, CA.  We heard from our dog's instructor in Pet's Mart that Carmel is always selected to be the dog friendly city.  He told us that any restaurant has dog's menu and you can take your dog to any shop.  The beaches are leash free area like huge dog park.

There are several ways from San Francisco to Monterey, Carmel.  I always love to take CA-1, Pacific Highway, which runs along Ocean Coast Side.  Since our 10 months white cutie, Snowy Xue Er, has motion sick problem, we planned to take several stops before hitting Monterey, Carmel.

There were several public beaches on Pacific Highway, CA-1.  But my wife and I were surprised that we came across the beaches which banns to take dogs into.  There were almost no exception "No Alcohol, No Smoking, No Dogs".  Since we did not expect this, it was great surprise.  This is why "Dog Friendly Town and Beach, Carmel" is very important for dog lovers.

Being too early to check in to our hotel, we continued to drive to Ocean Avenue, Carmel.  Driving down to the beach entrance, there were so many people who take their dogs.  We felt very happy.  Walking down to the beach, we found lots of dogs were running around.  Big dogs, small dogs, young dogs, old dogs...


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A Happy New Year!!!

A Happy New Year!


New year greeting from San Francisco.  

I hope 2010 finds you and your family healthy and prosperous.

Check my websites to find out what I am doing:
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Feel free to contact me:
shaw@zhenintl.ws
Shaw Funami
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