Friday, January 29, 2010

Emotional IQ - More about Anger


Let's talk a little bit more about our anger.  I remember so many occasions I could not make right decision due to my anger.  It may be true for you, too.  The most recent occasion I remember is my immigration process with INS (Immigration and Naturalization Service of the USA) when I applied for Green Card.  I think I was put in a wait for relatively long time without any given reasons for the interviews.  Finally the interview was scheduled.  My lawyer told me that I should not be angry no matter what the officer of INS said to me.  I was laughing and told him not to worry.  There should not be anything which made me angry, I thought.

The interview went quite well.  The officer was quite courteous and there was not a single moment of rudeness.  The officer asked me to go back to the first floor and submit my picture for processing.  I thanked him for the interview, he thanked me for my time.  My wife and I went down to the window for the picture submission.  The person in the window was not as courteous as the interview officer.

The lady at the window pointed out we did not pay for the processing and the picture is different from the one INS designates.  Our emotion almost always catches us in surprise.  Maybe I was too much relaxed due to the fact that the interview finished.  I was so angry this lady is complaining about me that I almost yelled at her.  It was quite fortunate that my wife detected my anger and pulled me back.  I could curtail my anger and went out to take another picture in the photo shop nearby.

Later I thought back about what happened.  It might be true that the lady's way of talking was not so friendly.  But there should have been no reason to be angry.  She was saying based on INS regulation and all I should have done is to take picture and give it to her.  The most important that time was to submit my picture on that day, not to be friendly with the lady in the window.  This way, the anger hits us more on non-substantial points.  If I were angry and had an argument with the person in charge, I would not be able to submit the picture on that day and my immigration process would have further delayed.  This way, the anger does not do any good for you.

Related Posts:
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/emotional-iq-what-is-it-why-am-i.html
http://zheninternational.blogspot.com/2010/01/emotional-iq-why-do-you-need-to-manage.html

Check my websites to find out what I am doing:
http://vur.me/shawfunami/main
http://vur.me/shawfunami/SF
http://vur.me/shawfunami/zi


Feel free to contact me:
shaw@zhenintl.ws
Shaw Funami
Fill the Missing Link


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4 comments:

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Shaw .. I can empathise with that - it's often the petty things that perhaps we haven't considered too carefully and then get caught out. I too get really angry at times, when I've 'assumed' that I've completed everything correctly only to be told I haven't .. and can't see why things aren't going smoothly - as I don't get ruffled usually.

Officialdom can be a pain - their control over us normal people. It's bad enough for me, an English woman, but for you both with the added emphasis of coming from Japan or China .. your wife did you proud!!

It's a learning process - expect a hassle, make sure you've got all the right documents and everything is dotted and to the 't' .. then take things calmly ..

Not a nice day though & it always leave a sour taste - we seem to remember these moments, not the happy joyful times so often ..

Bile = not a good thing!! Go well & have a good weekend ...

Hilary Melton-Butcher
Positive Letters Inspirational Stories

Advice From Rocky Post said...

I know what you mean Shaw I have always had a problem with anger and am slowly making progress and doing better it just that some things are so out of our control and we feel like nothing is going right.

The biggest thing for me in I am a control freak so any loss of control could send me over lol! I know that we can't control anyone but ourself and that is the truth..

Thanks for sharing!

Shaw said...

Dear Hilary,

Thank you for your comment. There seems to be something which triggers our emotion. Some things which could be called small traumatic experiences or anything reminds us of those.

It is tough to control emotions but we need to do it. As you say it is learning process and we need a trainings.

Thank you for your comment.
Best regards,
Shaw Funami
Fill the Missing Link

Shaw said...

Hi "Advice From Rocky Post",

Thank you for your comment. I agree that we need to train ourselves and learn slowly how to control our emotions.

I know exactly how you mean that you lose control, LOL. I do it some times still. Let's examine how we can improve ourselves.

Thank you again,
Shaw Funami
Fill the Missing Link