Yesterday Is History, and Tomorrow Is Mystery

Mr. Jones is my friend. He always regrets what he did the day before. He wakes up in the morning and remembers what he said to his boss, the day before. He worries about going to his office because of it. Working in his office, he received a phone call from angry customer, and he thought he should not have said what he said to his customer. At home, his boy told him he had a lousy mark in his examination. Mr. Jones regrets that he should have pushed his boy to study harder. At the end of the day, as a result of his many regrets, he remembers that he did not do anything productive that day. He regrets it before he goes to bed.

I have another friend. His name is Mr. Smith. He worries so much about what will happen tomorrow. He has a young and beautiful wife. He worries his wife will not love him any more tomorrow. He also has a beautiful boy. He worries if he loses his son for a car accident tomorrow. His mother is old, but she is still healthy and active. He jumps one foot above from the chair he was sitting, when his home phone rings, wondering if it is the notice for his mother's passing. His job is prestigious with high pay. His boss is kind and generous man. Still he worries if his manager will be mad at his work and fire him. He constantly worries he makes a mistake in his presentation next day.

Mr. Jones can never release him from regretting. Therefore, he cannot think something productive today. As a result, his life becomes miserable and affects his life style. He thinks a lot about yesterday and his colleagues think he is almost daydreaming whole day. In the middle of his, so-called, "day-dreaming", he sighs so often that his friends think that something dreadful happened in his family yesterday.

Mr. Smith cannot stop worrying about the future. He looks being afraid of something all the time. He has lost his ability to address problems in the right moment in worrying that something terrible will happen tomorrow. He over-reacts to things. When office phone rings, he looks at the phone as if the phone itself is something evil. When his supervisor knocks his office door, he is ready to jump out of his office window. He feels miserable for his future.

Yesterday is history, and Tomorrow is Mystery. Only today is the reality. Are they not manufacturing their own miseries by their imagination and illusion? Do not let history and mystery waste your valuable time today.


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Although Problems Happen in Life, You Should Not Over-React to Them

In recent times, it seems to be more common than before to hear someone says that life is tough. The economy has not recovered from the recession well. It may be true that there are many difficult things happening in our lives. Most of them affect our lives and life styles.

There are so many foreclosures occurring in the market. This means that there are still many families who are losing their homes. Even for ones whose houses' have not been put in foreclosure, they are suffering from experiencing high interest rates from loan return. However, their salaries have been going down for years, now. No wonder people say their lives are hard.

When Mr. Suzuki spun out of his previous employment, it was during the 'dot-com' company's recession. He was stationed in New York at that time. He did not like his company order to send him back to Tokyo. He had a vision to be successful in the US. He did not want to give up his dream. However, it was the worst time to leave. He could not find a job. His visa was going to expire because he lost his sponsorship following his resignation.

In addition, he had family problems. His wife did not like the idea of her husband staying in the US. She wanted to go back to Japan, and hence, she wanted a divorce when she heard of her husband's idea. He needed to take care of his family problems, as well. His situation was almost like a crowd of angry people marching into a storm. He found someone who wanted to hire him in Japan. In order to prevent his wife from divorcing him, he decided to go back to Japan to work. He was hired as No.3 leadership position of a company with 50 employees, but he could not agree with his employer on the company management.

Mr. Suzuki thought it did not make sense if he continued to look for a job, despite his dream to be successful for his own business. He decided to go back to the US. He looked for his business partner. He met one woman who shared her business vision with him. They started their own business.

Business was not easy because of the bad economy, but they worked hard. Later Mr. Suzuki married to his business partner. Since she was an American, she could sponsor him to get him a Green Card.

Mr. Suzuki is not yet successful to his own satisfaction. Still, he is happy to work in the US with his new wife. He tells himself that it was the right decision to spin out of his previous employment. He remembers that a lot happened in his life. He believes that the best decision he made was not to over-react to the problems in his life. He took his time, relaxed, and carefully addressed his problems.




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Subtle Difference of a Word's Meaning in Different Languages

It was my wife who sponsored me to get a Green Card. Now she is helping her own mother obtain a longer stay by getting a Green Card. She is an American citizen, but she asks my advice on language of business or legal documents in English. Her English is good. She hopes to double-check her understanding with me because I have been in business with foreign countries for more than 20 years. In answering her question or discussing a meaning of a word, I found that even the officially approved and accepted English - Japanese or English - Chinese dictionaries' word selection would not be a 100% perfect match for one foreign word to the other.

It occurred to me while we were taking a look at a Green Card application form downloaded from the website of USCIS (US Citizenship and Immigration Services). It was an English word "Nationality". When one turns to an English - Japanese dictionary, one will find the Japanese word for Nationality is "Kokuseki". All the Japanese senior-high school students would properly answer this question what is Japanese word for an English "Nationality". I have never doubted it would not be 100% correct for my English education experiences for almost 40 years.

Let us take a look at a Japanese government document now. A foreigner that travels to Japan must fill in and submit an entry form. There is a column which says "Kokuseki" in Japanese on top. Turn it back; the equivalent column says "Nationality" in English. They look to have the same meaning. However, they are subtly different.

The difference would be obvious when one filled in the column. If one were Japanese, he would write in Japanese in the"Kokuseki" column "Nihon" (Japan). What about in English column? In "Nationality" column, he needs to write "Nihon-jin," Japanese.

The immigration service of any country would not reject the entry if they referred to the country from which the foreigner travelled. However, this shows in English "Nationality" does not exactly mean "Kokuseki" in Japanese. The English word "Nationality" is a word which refers to the person's citizenship. Japanese "Kokuseki", instead, refers to the country to which the person belongs.

There are several other examples. They are usually words related to words which describe people. "Niece" and "nephew" in English refer to both sides' families of a married couple. Japanese "mei" and "oi", equivalent to niece and nephew, do not refer to children of their spouse's brothers and sisters. English "Knights" is equivalent to "Bushi" in Japanese. The people who edited dictionaries recognized the difference and used different words for the English word "knight." Knight in Japanese is "Kishi," implying a warrior on a horse. Though Japanese Bushi also uses horses, they are referred to as Japanese version of knights. It may indicate the difference of the language origin. It is the cultural background. Japanese culture tends to put emphasis on land, house, or country to which individuals belong. English always put people before environment to which they belong.



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Some Things Are Too Big to Hold

The human mind is a fragile thing. It is easily hurt from small incident. It becomes upset with misunderstanding. As expectation increases, its disappointment is even bigger when things do not go well. Some times it is broken when sad or hard things happen. Yes, our minds can be broken. I am not talking about losing a love, I am talking about literally broken. It goes out-of-order and loses sound function for a long time. Anything can cause one mental disorders. Some group therapy treatment uses "Confession" style process to give a treatment for chemical dependence patients.

As a therapist educate patients to be honest and confess what patients have done to harm others, during chemical dependence. This can be a private one to one confession. Often, they share their wrong doings to the people who attend a meeting. One must have an experience that when he told his secret to others, possibly his closest friends, he feels relieved.

One therapy process includes listing a patient's wrong doings to others and sharing with his therapist. This process can be uncomfortable and agonizing. Everybody has a secret, maybe tow, three, or four secrets, which one determined not to share or disclose to anybody else. They are secrets which a holder hopes to bring to his grave. Some recovering patients go back to chemical dependence due to painful, uncomfortable, and embarrassing process, though this is one of the most important processes for recovery.

Small advice from a friend may be very helpful for those who feel uncomfortable to take this step. One day when a patient expressed his uneasy feelings about sharing his shameful secret, his friend helped him by telling her own story. She said that when she told her older brother the same thing, he told her that she was carrying a thing which is too big. If the thing she was carrying was awkward, heavy, and big, her brother could help her carry her stuff. He told her further that if she continued to hold it by herself, it would become too big for her to keep holding. Later, she might have a bigger problem.

She told him her secret. She was later glad she did. It helps to share some awkward secret with someone who one feels less uncomfortable. It worth trying, if it prevents one's heart from broken. One should take time to consider with whom he can share his secret. The one should be neutral interest or no conflict of interest. If one cannot select anyone, he would think to consult to his church clergyman or his psychiatrist.





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Time Is Given by God

When you are worrying about something, or you are angry or sad, the feeling is terrible. You try to ignore or not to think about it, but you cannot keep your attention away from it. You try to concentrate on your work, or you try to enjoy your favorite movie, but you cannot. You try to sooth your feeling by telling yourself that it is God testing you. But, you still cannot ease your emotion. Your bad feeling is there. It looks as if it will stay forever. There seems to be no solution at that moment. Is not there any solution?

Mr. Konishi works for an electronics company. He received a claim last week from a customer. He had tried to address and solve his client's problem for about a week. He had not been successful in calming them down. Mr. Konishi could not find a way to soothe his customer. All claimed problems were solved and their system was working. His client is still raging. Konishi started to worry what happens if the customer cancels the order, returns the system, and seeks a refund. His supervisor may be angry, and he may fire Konishi. He may lose current position even his job.

Mr. Konishi had kept receiving offensive complaint mails from his customer. It was starting to be personal. He started to think that they should not have said such bad things to him. He started to feel angry with them, too. He felt terrible, with mixed emotions of fear and anger.

On day one, he could not concentrate on his other works. At home, he did not enjoy anything. He could not even recognize his daughter was talking to him. He was fearful when it started. On day two, he was more angry than fearful. He thought that his customer was giving him unreasonable treatment. He did not have to be treated that way. Three days had passed. He was still receiving nasty emails from his customer. However, there was something that changed in his mind. He could shrug off his client's emails. He stopped responding immediately after he received the emails.

He realized that he had built his own anxiety within himself. He finally became relaxed allowing him to deal with the problem. He received several more emails, but they gradually died down. What was Konishi's magic to solve his problem? Well, he did not solve his problem. Time did. Time is the best healer of our fear, anger, or any bad emotion. Be aware that time can solve any problem. Time must be given by God.

When you are aware that time will solve your problem and ease your emotions, miraculously your bad feelings started to diminish. It is a good idea to take one or two days to calm yourself down instead of reacting based on your immediate emotion, especially when you feel fear, anger, or anxiety.

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6 Points to Remember When Your Emotion Becomes Out of Control

Zhen International is a company formed 9 years ago. It is becoming 10 years old in year 2012. It could not last this long without help from people. I am very grateful on all the help rendered for me. Before I formed this company, earlier in my carrier stage, I worked for a Japanese electronics company for 20 years. Becoming an assistant manager in 1988, I started to study how to be a good manager. It included emotional control for better performance and better management.

Later, company recommended me to develop own scheme to control myself and teach our team member. My team used to hear I say:
"Do not show it when you are angry. Use your anger to get what you need to achieve in business. Control your emotions so that they do not harm your business or life. Use them to benefit yourself instead."

This concept used to give me confidence and comfort in the way I could control my emotions to the extent that my emotion did not damage any of my business or relationship. I was comfortable to ask my team members same.

It was end of the year 2000 when I faced a decision if I should quit the company and start my own or stay. I made a decision to quit and tried to start my own business. It was my own decision and I believed that I am emotionally stable.

Then, in my effort of starting up my own company, which was supposed to be full of fun, I found myself out of control of my own emotions. Resentment, remorse, instability, confusion, and depression constantly attacked me. My emotion went out of control in a very sensitive and critical moment. The worst is that all these negative emotions hit me same time and I did not know what to do. I had never went to a hospital, but I might have some psychological problem called panic attack. Luckily my wife helped me and I could gradually regain my emotional stability. From this experience taught me a precious lesson how difficult to control our emotions.

It was near end of last year when my wife and I were looking for information on IQ level of dogs on Internet, we happened to find the word "Emotional IQ". We were interested and did further research on the definition.

According to the information in Internet, Emotional IQ and Emotional Intelligence are almost same meaning and definition. Emotional IQ is the ability, capacity, skill or, a self-perceived ability to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of ourselves, of others, and of groups.

I have been aware there are several therapies, which is not known in outside of US, such as emotional control or anger management. But, I was not aware that there is a study trying to measure ability of controlling emotions until last year.

If you acquire an ability to perceive and control your emotion and others, you can have better control over your life, business. Most importantly, if you are confident and comfortable controlling your own emotion under no matter what kind of panicky situation, you can be more relaxed all the time. You can be very much peaceful in your mind in your life. That is why I believe learning and knowing on Emotional IQ is very important for all of us.






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Best Possible Tips for Mind Reading

People cannot read other people's minds. However, people want to read other people's mind. When you are dating someone, you want to read your lover's mind. Does he or she love you? Will he or she marry you? When you work in sales in a company, you want to know if your customer will place an order. You would like to know if your boss will give you a raise or promotion next month. Nobody can read mind of another person like the above examples. However, people can analyze the situation and guess what other people are thinking. This kind of analysis and imagination is needed sometimes in life or business.

If one were doing business with a customer for a long time, he would know the pattern of new orders from the customer. He can predict when this customer will place his next order. When you are working in an office, and you want to know whether you will be promoted, you would take a look at people who got promoted recently, among those who joined your company around the same time as you. You can take a reasonable guess by doing this analysis.

Oddly enough, when one hopes to use logical research when reading somebody else mind, there is an obstacle in the way. It is our emotions. Unfortunately, we need to read someone else mind when we happen to be fearful, resentful, or upset. In trouble in business, you need to know what the complaining customer really wants. However, you are not able to use logic to analyze the customer's reason for the complaint, desires, and intentions, simply because you are already upset about the complaint. Sometimes, you will be resentful of a customer who made a complaint. Further, if you are fearful of what this customer would do next, your brain locks and your eyes fog to conduct logical analysis.

The minimum requirements to analyze other people's mind are to stay calm. Do not be afraid, fearful, or resentful. Your fear would drive your thinking to the situation which you feel fearful. If you were upset, you would be confused on the logic you are constructing. Your anger would also bring you worse result of negotiation, because it made you think about the claiming party apologizing and drop their claim. In calm brain, you know it would never happen, right?

There are some things which you want to do for better solution:

1. Be aware that you are emotional. Do not worry nobody can control his emotion in troubled situation.

2. Try to stay calm. Try to stay calm as much as possible. Do not forget you do not have to be perfectly calm. Do not over-react. It does not help.

3. Get a third-party opinion. You can get a non-conflict interest third-party opinion. Such third-party does not have to be a lawyer. He can be your best friend.




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Work Now, Enjoy Later

There is a Japanese proverb. It goes, "You should worry now, enjoy later." In more proper English, it should read, "You should work now and play later." It may have several different interpretations, but it means you should work to address and solve problems in your work to enjoy your time after your problems are gone. Then, you can enjoy your time more without problems. A big question is, "Is it true?"

My father had a strange habit. He needed to give his own interpretation to every proverb he knew. He gave his own proverb. This time, his proverb was as follows:

"You say work now, enjoy later. I say enjoy now, work later." I remember his interpretation of this his own proverb. He explained that if one continues to work until he solves his problems, he would never be able to have time for enjoyment. It would be better to find time for enjoyment, first. It would not be fun if you continued to work finding no time for enjoyment. He said that if one followed this proverb, most probably he would never be able to hold his time to enjoy himself.

A serious Japanese would frown and say that he was murdering Japanese language and saying. However, these sentences of my father hold a truth. Suppose one has five oranges to eat in front of him. Does he begin to eat from the biggest or the smallest? If one decided to eat from the smallest thinking that the biggest is the last one enjoyment, the next one he ate was next smallest. The third one was the third smallest, and the last one was the last smallest. In this way, he continues to eat small orange in his consciousness. Instead, if he started to eat the biggest, the last one was still the last biggest one.

Does it sound like a sophistry? However, when you start from smallest, your mind-set for small concept until the end. Therefore, you remember that you ate all small oranges. If you start from big, you have an impression that you ate big oranges to the end.

This affects one's way of logic. People, who think big, continue to think big to the end. They may achieve something big some day. On the contrary, the people, who think small, keep thinking small. They will not be able to accomplish anything big.

Let us go back to my father's interpretation of the proverb. It would be correct to say that if one thinks about enjoying, he would continue to enjoy to the end. In contrast, if one keeps thinking about working, hoping that he can enjoy later, he would end up having no time for enjoyment in his life.





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New Year, 2012

I wish you have a Happy New Year.

May your New Year full of happiness, prosperity,
health of you and your family, and lots of lots of
enjoyment.

Shaw Funami
Fill the Missing Link
@ San Francisco, CA

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