Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Emotional IQ - What about Fear?

Now about "Fear" which is the backside of "Anger".  "Fear" is the most complicated, most profound, and very powerful emotion.  It seems to me the way we all feel about "Fear" is related to our childhood experience or education.  In some cultures including Japanese, being "fearful" is almost sin.  Ask your kid if he is afraid, he will answer you No with angry face asking back why you believe he is "fearful".  All parents do not like their children to be "fearful".  So parents educate their children not to be fearful.  Be brave.  Don't cry.  Don't be afraid.

So, "fear" could be the most controlled emotion.  By age 10 or 11, most of us learn how not to show our fear even we feel it.  Many feel insulted if somebody says you are afraid.  But the reality of life is there is no one who does not feel "fear".  These mixed and complicated experience are giving "fear" to be a special emotion for human beings.  It may be simpler if one can freely and openly show their fear.  Think we do not have to hide our fear with anger or any other emotion.

There are many kind of fear in our lives and society.  But despite of its complexity, fear can be categorized into just following 2 kinds:
1.  Fear that you lose what you possess.
2.  Fear that you do not get what you badly want.

And we oblate and coat our fear with anger.

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Fill the Missing Link

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Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Shaw .. how right you are - we are taught not to express our emotions. We need though to be able to have some control and as we go older - failing isn't so important, so if one can learn that then the fear falls away.

Learning to laugh when things go wrong is a good way of deflecting fear ..

Fear can be serious and important - or

fear can be just something that we feel we do not want to do .. once we do it .. it is fine.

Go well - Hilary

Marketing Unscrambled, learn to earn 14 said...

Hello Shaw,

There are times that we should be fearful. When someone wants to harm you. It is good to understand the emotions and how to deal with them in the best way we can. If we always push the feeling aside, it can bring on emotional health problems.

Good post. Have a great day.

Dan and Deanna "Marketing Unscrambled"

Shaw said...

Hi Hilary,

Thank you for your comment. You are right to shrug off when something failed and try again. But, it is not so easy to train yourself to laugh or shrug off when things do not go to your direction.

Thanks again,
Shaw Funami
Fill the Missing Link

Shaw said...

Hello Dan and Deanna,

I agree that fear is the necessity of life. We are safe because we have the sense of fear. But some fear has chain reaction to accelerate your fear. That's what you need to watch and control.

I will talk more in coming post.

Thank you again,
Shaw Funami
Fill the Missing Link

lifeisagift said...

Yes you are right! It is OK to be afraid it is so natural like you say. It is as natural as any other emotion and we must not "fight" it only learn from it and allow it to help us when it needs to and allow it to be controlled as needed.

My six year old and I are always talking about rational and irrational fear one protects us and one holds us back. We must learn how to distinguish the two and live accordingly!

I have been guilty of allowing fear to take me over and hold me back. Is there a book you can recommend?

Shaw said...

Hello Joanne,

Thank you for your coming and thank you for your comment. It must be good lesson for your boy to be trained to distinguish rational and irrational fear since one protects us and one holds us back. It is great point.

I am looking for good English Book on this issue. Mostly I have read is unfortunately in Japanese. I will let you know when I find one.

Thank you again,
Shaw Funami
Fill the Missing Link