Sunday, June 19, 2011

Say Yes First

Do you not have a friend who rubs you in the wrong way? You like him or her. He or she is an intelligent, knowledgeable person. You two have much in common. However, if exchanging opinions, you always ended up arguing. If you have this kind of friend, you may be able to improve your relationship.

First, let us check your responding pattern. Pay attention to the first word you use when you respond to your friend's opinion. When either agreeing or disagreeing with your friend, you tend to say "no" right away, don't you? If not, that is good.

Next, let us examine your friend's opening statement. I have the same question. Does your friend, when answering your questions or responding to your opinion, tend to say "no" right away?

If you tend to start your statement with "no," you might want to be careful. Either your friend or a general listener tends not to listen to what you say after they've heard you say "no." Your "no" gives the impression that your statement denies their views.

If you do not use "no" at the beginning of your response, and if your friend usually starts his or her response with "no," with or without denial contents, you should carefully listen to what he or she says, regardless of what you heard at the beginning of the statement. You may find that your friend's statement does not actually have a context of denial.

There are some people who always say "no" at the beginning of their statements. Even if they cannot say anything else, they always say "no" to begin. If you think you are one of these people, I suggest saying "yes" or another statement of agreement at the beginning of your speech.
By consciously doing so, you will notice how you make changes. You will review carefully what your speaker has said to find agreeable points. You will be able to build friendly logic for your listeners. This will come naturally since, at the beginning of your speech, you agreed.

If you find that your friend's speaking style always sounds negative in the beginning, you will be able to advise your friend that his or her behavior is not beneficial to him/herself or others. Nobody wants to hear such negativity. In this way, you can benefit your friend, making your relationship better.

There are no rules, without the exception: You may use negativity in your speech opening if you hope to impress your audience. It may be useful to open your speech with denial to catch their attention. However, you should use denial only by intention, not unconsciously.

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