Think Again Before Becoming Emotional

Managing our emotions may be our lifetime work. Confucius, an ancient Chinese philosopher, said people become free from vacillation when they turn 40. Considering this advice when I look at myself, I regret that I am still resentful, fearful, and remorseful. I need to admit that my mental situation is far from free of vacillation. Some older friends tell me are even more resentful, fearful, and remorseful now. How we can manage our emotions?

Although it is not simple or easy to manage our negative emotions, as one gets older, he starts to learn some methods to repress public displays of emotion. He may have to drink to curtail his emotions in public. I found that the ways we all hide our real emotions contain some common practices. The man who needs to control his emotions follows these steps:

1. He accepts he is emotional.
2. He gets himself some time to control his emotions (at least for a while).
3. He thinks about why he becomes emotional.

Following these steps allows the man the opportunity to become calm. The first step can be the process of detaching himself from the emotional state, separating himself into two halves, the emotional half and the calm half. Then at least half of him would be able to remain calm.

The second step is not easy. Some people slowly count to five in their heads, while others go to 10. My friend said he repeats, "I am emotional. Do not show it," in his mind at least five times. This is a hard process.

I see real value in the third process. It would bridge the gap between pretending to be calm and real calm. In this step, you must consider why the other person became emotional. Why is your wife so angry? Did you tell say something that is rubbing her the wrong way? Did your boss upset you?

It helps to imagine you were involved in the process. If someone felt cheated, deceived, or mistreated, he would consider whether he played a role in your counterpart acting like that. Your wife would be angry because you made her upset. Your boss was upset because you did not do a good job.

Think again. Think about whether you are causing their upset emotions. If you understand your own involvement in making others emotional, you can see it might be reasonable for your counterpart to be upset. In this way, you calm yourself down.





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