Monday, February 9, 2009

Why didn't I attend my wife's New Year Party?

When starting something new, when changing your status more than 90 degrees, when you decide to do things which seems not to be easy, rather difficult, who do you turn to? Who do you find most reliable? I think its your family. It is your spouse, mother, father, brothers, sisters, I guess. In some certain age relatively long time, we all are shy to turn to our family members on the things we annoy, worry, feel unsecured. When my mother asked me if I am OK. I tend to say "what are you talking about, I am OK, of course". You do not want to show you are afraid to your spouse, right? Especially if you are a man. I was, too. But, your family knows about you better than what you think they do. If you ask them for help. They will help you better than anybody else can. In this article and the following article, I would like to introduce you my family, 2 key women who helped me to overcome tough times. One is my wife. The other is my mother.

It was 1994, a Chinese woman from Beijing accompanied her then husband and landed in San Francisco. Her husband took her to US in his professional study in the US. They started to live Richmond district in the city. She did not speak enough English and her husband was constantly busy. If just buy, it might have been okay. But as his study did not go well, he started to be violent home. She, from the beginning the bearer of independent spirit, wanted to go self-support. They fought every night and one day it became extremely violent. There was no other choice for her to call help and she herself landed on "Asian Women's Shelter".

This Chinese woman spent there for almost full year and looked for her own opportunity to go independent. She studied herself there and went to business school. Fortunately, her then husband left her Green Card status. She found a job and started to work. She was not satisfied being employed. Later she went independent and became a business owner. Then she met this Japanese guy, who at that time, had so-so status in a Japanese company. This guy became her boy friend and they started to live together. When this man lost his position, spun out of employment, but hoped to stay in US for pursuing his own possibility in San Francisco, she changed her status from Green Card base to an American Citizen so that she can sponsor her boy friend by marrying.

You might have realized by now that this Chinese woman is my wife and the Japanese Guy is me. Without her help, I could not even continue to stay in the US. As Japanese or Asian culture goes, there are some people, especially from my previous employment, telling me that it is a shame on me who accepted my wife's help. It annoyed me a bit honestly, but I am thankful to my wife for her help and my wife and I believe that is enough. That is the period. We do not have to worry about what other people say. And most importantly we are happy. I am happy to help my wife's side of business, and she is happy to help my business, as well.

The reason I did not attend my wife's New Year Party was that this Party was for women who once was under protective custody and succeeded in getting out of "Women Shelter".

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Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Shaw .. that's an incredible personal story .. especially for your wife. I admire both your courages in pursuing your dreams.

It is wonderful that you work together to be happy, to support each other - you are both human & you have both released your spirits to be together and to be married and grow old together.

I do hope that others in the Refuge have had as much fortune as your wife has had .. and I am sure that you all support each other all the time and over time.

That's a truly inspirational story - thank you for sharing with us and one day I hope I shall have the pleasure of meeting your wife.

Be Positive Be Happy - Hilary

Shaw said...

Hi Hilary_ Thank you for your comment as always. English has very beautiful expression calling spouces each other "Better Half". Since she is my better half, she is myself and I am herself. It is natural to help each other. Still she should have her own private time to share and enjoy her friends in tough time. I respect that. Thanks, again.

Shaw Funami